Last week seemed designed to test this home a little– and the end result saw a lost camera that I had for several years, causing me to wonder how to record the best things Donna and I get up to. I am still a hold out against smart phones and as such have no camera device at all. Well, that “have” became “had” as a friend of ours was no longer using a very nice camera of a similar type to the one we had stolen or lost.
As a result, along with getting mom a new wheelchair (thanks to getting a ride from another great friend to the warehouse when Mom had been denied her trip out in the Handydart) that seems both a little more comfortable and a lot more sturdy, we were able to enjoy a car free day on Edmonds– that was about celebrating cars. It’s Burnaby, so that’s not too bad. From last year I remembered that a petting zoo would be set up, so off on the chair we went, with her testing comfort and myself testing mobility and operations.
Well, when we arrived at the petting zoo it was ridiculously hot, first time this year a Vancouver sun gave me Caribbean-style flashbacks. So I headed with mom and the chair straight to a place with shade and thought we would hang out and what not with the animals for perhaps a few minutes. Well, only a minute or two after we arrived and Donna had a kid.
From appearances, the heat of the sun and the energy of the various children in the little enclosure had wiped out this young kid goat. One of the young men decided to turn a lemon into a goat’s meal and helped “Moby” onto Mom’s lap, whereupon Donna began to act like a protective goat mom. For perhaps a good half hour, mom held the youngster gently in her lap while he napped and visibly had dreams about grazing and running; Little goat eyes rolling in the back of his head while cleats tapped away, and teeth seemed to chew air.
Every passer-by stopped to look in, and Mom started telling stories about the kid, talking up his need for a nap, how she was the best place for a nap and he seemed to know it, and more comments of both love and confidence. I was able to wander off a short distance for a couple of minutes, and she was beaming and in her element in a very strong way.
She quickly adopted a parental role and responsibility towards him. And after it had been some 30 minutes and the little guy was still sleeping hard, the same young man who had brought him over went to retrieve him from Donna’s lap. Mom put up a fierce argument– basically, someone was trying to steal her goat. She wanted to protect him and made this well known, basically very upset.
When Mom and I left the petting, public enclosure a minute or two after this, I stopped by the place where Moby had been moved so Mom could say a qucik good bye. She was actually still a little upset over losing him, and it was on her face. The young man who had taken Moby away from Donna walked up to us as we started heading off, handing mom a bouquet of flowers. Having only put the smallest of charges on this ‘new’ camera, I was only able to take one photo while we were out– and that was Mom with Moby.
When we got home I switched the battery and got her a picture with her new flowers. But it was the simplicity of the interaction for Donna with the man who was working with these animals that I enjoyed the most. He didn’t try to explain to me anything, he wasn’t addressing me at all. That was the first good part. He then handed mom the flowers and simply said,
“I just wanted to apologize for taking Moby from you,” and nothing else. He then walked back where he was working. Well, I thought on it for a moment and realized how very much I like how this man handled Donna and the situation. He didn’t try to explain, nor even qualify. There was no statement: “I’m sorry I had to take Moby…” or anything of this sort.
Mom got more than just flowers out of the precise nature of the apology.
I found the whole situation somewhat beautiful from beginning to end. I began feeling long ago that Mom getting into minor squabbles with strangers over confusion *because she is out doing real things* is– despite societal impulse to hide elders and pretend it is “for them”– more dignity producing than a threat to her dignity, the conflict came out of her having an emotional reaction among the very best that she can.
Mom took a baby goat into her arms, and saw he needed a safe place. She could give it to him, and he rewarded her right back by dreaming, snuggling in and acting like she was a wonderful bed. So, when I noticed mom being nervous about kids who patted Moby, I found it sweet. “Aww, Mom… you’re getting protective of this little guy, aren’t you?”
“Well, he needs it,” she said. There were many stories she tried to tell to people about Moby– and about 85% complete fabrications. Moby had lived a long productive life according to his voluntary b&b (bed and biographer), so perhaps his sleepiness was more well earned than I and others would have guessed. But I imagine he liked simply being held gently, with a slow hand touching him and a gentle voice telling him in a sweet tone how great he was.
Mom felt useful, protective and took her role with him seriously. She felt a need from another, and one that she could fill. When you understand how potent that is in her space, the need to be needed and useful was filled. To me, I saw just how much she cared and how much she received in terms of joy from holding this goat precisely because of how she reacted when he was taken away.
Despite knowing it hurt her to lose him– It is better to have loved a goat and lost– than to never have loved a goat at all.