There are many triggers that you will discover while taking care of your loved elder. Perhaps the most obvious are the ones where current ways of dealing with the reality are in conflict with prior ways. This is true especially on holidays. The last year we got a lot stronger, even if it is still coming from weakness.
November 29, 2017
So it’s still November, but American media has shifted to Xmas as I guess is now the norm. The last few years here since Mom moved home it has been absolutely awful. I’m still at a general threat level for myself due to the shorter, colder days and less opportunity for exercise, and already feeling that with much of it still to go, but the fear of the Holiday is something passing.
In many ways, the changing of expectations and the adjustments made in both the mind and the heart towards mom, and towards loss in other areas as well, has ceased to be defining. Instead, I have two main things I’m somewhat looking forward to: Nightly bugging mom to play her favourite Christmas tunes as in years past (but not the last 3) changes the atmosphere and her part in it dramatically.
That, and I’ve moved into a place where generally finding joy with the simplest of things while not feeling anguish or anxiety about the stuff that is not controllable anyway has become a major “frontal lobe” existence. There will be funks, and I’m sure the longish, wet and grey months here will take their toll– but frankly I don’t expect brushes with death, quiet desperation and being afraid that I might turn on myself in its worst moments. I have come too far, am too proud and content with these achievements for both Donna and myself to be consumed with the feeling of failure, and fear of the next day.
If I can get this far where nothing unexpected is ever unexpected, I feel like these next few weeks can be about smiles, good food and a place that is really home for two humans and two cats. I can handle being glue, it just took a hell of a long time to melt down this far in the first place without bursting into flames along the way.
Mom is taking longer than usual with her already late dinner. I have been finished awhile, and had time to sit down and write this. I can safely know, no matter how slow it’s going, she is enjoying it greatly. She taught me to make it 30 years ago.
Now that– THAT’S retirement planning.